The South American Harley rider stayed with me in my bed last night. I was going to break off things and instead had him come over. I feel such a primal animalistic desire for him. I am like a teenager fresh with hormones. Have I become the cliche of the blossoming woman under his hands? I just needed a good screw by the right man?
He drives me fucking crazy. The gruff biker teddy bear and I'm his bitch. Afterwards we cuddle naked, flesh pressed into naked flesh. We are trying to meld together like melting crayons for a stained glass project. He woke me up at 3:30 am to ride him. He is relentless.
I masturbated after he left as I recalled the night before. I needed porn to finish. What is going on with me? I just am so sick of being good. I want to be bad. It's almost like the 80's movies where the housewife is the horny hooker.
This goes beyond a little caretaker burn out. I think family dysfunction is smothering me. I can not be responsible for everyone's emotions. Sure, logically I know that we can not control another person's emotions. But the fucking unrelenting training in my childhood is that I am indeed responsible. It's a lot to shoulder as a kid. And try as I might I can not break the loop in my brain.
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I would have married him if he would have asked. That's how far gone I was with the South American Harley rider. It's been almost t...
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I don't know what's going to happen. It's been two weeks to the day since I've spoken to the South American Harley rider. W...
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