I would have married him if he would have asked. That's how far gone I was with the South American Harley rider. It's been almost three weeks since we have spoken. It's like I have emerged from a drug induced fog. By no means does that mean that I am not feeling the loss of him. But it's more like I can be objective in a way that I wasn't before. I thought maybe it was a loss of human connection that was driving my pain which is especially heightened during this pandemic. But I did go out with a very nice man this weekend. I felt a connection to him even though it was not physical.
The Harley rider is more than a human connection. He is a drug. A disease. An addiction. He activates my anxious attachment style and he clearly has an avoidant attachment style. When I think of him it's like I am banging my head against a brick wall. I literally have physical pain on the front and top of my head. He is a burning building that I can't stop running into to save my life. I've given it to November first and then I am blocking his number. I realize it is dangerous to leave myself open to his communication. I can't stop wanting him to contact me but pray he doesn't.
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