New Kids on the Block

When I was young I traveled to Brazil. I remember getting off of the plane with my excitement building by the minute. We emerged from the airport and caught a taxi to go through the mountain tunnel on the way to Rio de Janeiro. New Kids on the Block was pouring from the speakers in the taxi. I was beyond disappointed. I was ready to experience Brazilian culture and America had followed me.
On that trip I saw poverty like I had never seen before and it broke my heart. We were staying in a luxury hotel and I cried each night at the poverty I had seen during the day. There were children literally sleeping on the streets. And the card board shacks of the favelas spread up the mountain sides. There was one woman with a baby outside of our hotel. Every night I would have my aunt, who spoke fluent portuguese, give her my leftovers from dinner. On our last night in Rio she tried to give us her baby. She cried as she begged us to take her child from her and give him a better life. It almost de…


Nirvana's, "Drain You", perfectly describes my relationship with S. who is a energy vampire. He drained me dry of energy, money and emotion.

He definitely said he's lucky to have met me.
And I only did think about him not myself.
It was his duty to drain me.
And he did end up in my infected dysfunction.
I practically did chew his meat for him.
And we did pass drama back and forth in a
passionate kiss.

I would like to say I am entirely free of S. after a decade of being mind fucked by him but we are still in contact. He caught me last week as I lay in bed sick with the flu. He can sense my weakness from a million miles away.
I said it might be time to say good bye and move on.
He said if I told him never to contact me again he would abide by it.
Complete freedom from him was within my grasp but I couldn't say yes. I couldn't tell him to never contact me again. Some day when I am stronger I will say yes to freedom.


I slept until almost noon today. My initial reaction is guilt but then I thought of the spoons I had used yesterday. Spoons represent tasks and the energy required for said tasks. All of us have a certain amount of spoons or energy to use up in a day. And those of us with chronic pain and fibromyalgia  are among the people that start each day with a lower amount of spoons than a healthy person. I used up a lot of spoons during the day even before the show. But my pain levels were low and I was able to really get into Odesza last night. Their show is excellent with good music, graphics and light show.


Queens of the Stone Age in my ranking come close to the realm of Duran Duran. I love Queens of the Stone Age and was super stoked to see them live. I bought my tickets the minute they were available four months prior to the show date. And then the big night came and I was ready to see them. And then the fibromyalgia pain hit. I was in so much fucking pain during that show. I was suppose to be in heaven watching Queens of the Stone Age instead I was in hell. I even checked the time on my phone during the show which is a big deal. I was in so much pain I just wanted to get out of there. Plus some guy was standing too close to me breaking my personal space bubble.
They are coming to Chicago and I am tempted to try to see them again. But, I can't justify it when my car needs thousands of dollars of work. I will just have to wait until the next album and tour. This sucks.