Katy Perry-Wide Awake

I had another go around with the South American Harley rider this week. For someone who was just having fun he got really upset at me. He wanted a commitment from me without being committed. My part in things were not expressing my feelings better. I sent a final text and he ghosted me.

I've done a lot of thinking today. Sometimes I think I expect you to be a mind reader. Maybe I haven't said it but I do care about you deeply. I'm sorry if any of my words or actions have hurt you.

I was momentarily curious about a guy in a dress but do not want a guy in a dress. In fact I really don't want any other guys. I want you. All I can say is when I feel myself getting upset I'll take some deep breaths and process things without hopefully saying anything stupid.

Will you come over and talk about things? Maybe start over?

I don't think I could have stated things any clearer. One of my regrets in life was not telling my ex-boyfriend sooner how I felt about him. So I wanted to have my say with the Harley rider. He didn't want me to see other men but I was afraid he would toss me to the side so I looked for other men. I didn't feel secure enough with him. And why would I? He would only commit to "having fun" and I don't know how many women he was talking to. But, ultimately, even if it was too late I did tell him how I felt. So I do have a sense of closure. There have been some tears. I do miss him.

It's really tough for me to be vulnerable. It seems like ever time I open my heart and express how I feel the guy freaks out and takes off. It feels like if I relax something bad will happen.

Should we tell our loved ones everything? I vowed not to keep secrets after watching my Mom keep so many things from my Dad over the years. But was that the right thing to do? That sometimes our loved ones can't handle our secrets? I would like to think that I would find someone I didn't have to keep things from. I certainly kept things from the Harley rider and there were many other things I should have kept locked away from him. But I am happy that in the end I didn't keep my feelings to myself and told him I cared deeply for him. I do not regret that although I regret other things I didn't keep from him. Maybe some people can't handle the truth.