Berlin-No More Words

Doja Cat-Cyber Sex

It's been 21 days since the South American Harley Rider and I have texted. Why the fuck does it still hurt so much? Why the hell am I pining after him? We were texting about fixing things but he said I would fuck things up. I went into a major downward shame spiral three days later and binged on peanut m&m's. I ate a 62 serving Costco jug in two and a half days. I was nodding off for three days like I had done heroin. My body's plumbing clogged up from all of that sugar. I kept waiting for the Crohn's flare up. I know my Crohn's was not that severe until I started emotionally binging on sugar 6 years ago when my Mom died. Four days after the binging started I had therapy. My therapist helped me work through some of the shame spiral. Four hours later my body released physically, emotionally and mentally. I think I pooped out all of that chocolate. 

I'm still a little shaky but have not eaten too much sugar since binging. I did give into a craving for a chocolate milk shake the day after therapy. I pooped that out right away...no holding onto that chocolate. My body is starting to straighten out as I return to a regular food intake. 

I had been getting the binging, sugar intake and Crohn's under control starting in January. I keep thinking how is it that one exploded love affair could make me fall off the wagon and get run over by it. I realized that something more was going on after watching Psych2go's Youtube video, 7 Signs of Unhealed Relationship Trauma. This break up has tapped into unhealed trauma and now knowing this I feel a little less like I'm losing my mind.